The Overly Literal Guide To Star Trek

1918

World War I ends.

1945

World War II ends.

1981

Space Shuttle Enterprise, OV-101 is launched for the first time.

1983

Pioneer 10 leaves the solar system. It drifts in the direction of the nearby Kronos, until it was destroyed in 2287.

1986

January 28. Challenger fails to explode.

Congress gives NASA an appropriation beyond its dreams, and work on Space Station Freedom and a new generation of space vehicles begins.

Voyager 6 is launched.

1993

The Eugenics War begins.

1996

So Called World War II (the last of the So Called World Wars) ends, with the self-exile of Khan Noonien Singh, and many of his followers, in a DY-100 class sleeper ship. Khan is aiming for a nearby Brown Dwarf that he believes may have habitable (although dark) planets around it , but misses and falls into the Solar pothole.

2002

Space probe Nomad launched. Before the end of the year it falls into the Solar Pothole, and gets transported halfway across the galaxy.

2009

Captain Shaun Christopher commands the first manned Earth-Saturn flyby.

2018

Sleeper ships are obsolete. Instead, new launch technologies allow taking sufficient reading material to keep people from being bored over a months-long voyage.

2032

Ares IV launched for Mars.

2035

The United Nations, concerned about stagnation of its image, hires a PR Consultancy to suggest improvements it could make. The United Nations is, under the New York Accord, renamed to be the "New United Nations", the General Assembly being henceforth called the "Extra-kind General Assembly", and the Security Council being henceforth called the "Tough on War, Tough on the Causes of War Group".

2036

The New United Nations ™ rules that Terrans cannot be held responsible for crimes committed by their ancestors.

2037

Spaceship Charybdis launched. It falls into the Pothole whilst investigating the Oort cloud.

2044

The island group New Zealand goes missing, with all hands.

2053

World War III. A nuclear war which killed hundreds of millions, mainly in India, China and the United States.

2063

In the United States, the Eastern Coast Coalition (ECON) makes continuing raids on the mid-west.

Doctor Cochrane makes his first warp flight, which attracts the attention of a passing Vulcan scout, making a rare journey deep into potentially hostile Klingon space.

First contact between Humans and Vulcans. As a result of this meeting, the Vulcans establish a permanent presence on Earth, "helping" the Terrans (in reality trying to steer them to make sure they don't start any wars). As part of this they kill all astronomers and destroy all star charts.

2065

SS Valiant lost to the Pothole. The Vulcans kindly inform the Terrans about the Pothole, saying that it was "most illogical" that they didn't notice something was up, especially with all that business with the Mars probes.

New Berlin and Utopia Planitia colonies founded.

El-Aurian homeworld is destroyed by the Borg. The survivors move to a new homeworld.

2067

Unmanned probe Friendship One is launched. Whilst this probe can do high warp speeds, it will be a hundred years before such high warp is safe for living matter.

SS Conestoga is launched to colonise Terra Nova, the only uninhabited inhabitable within 20 light years of Sol.

2079

A referendum to "Kill all the lawyers" which was suggested in jest, actually makes it. So all the lawyers are killed, and the legal system quickly degenerates into chaos. In particular, mass use of drugs means that most politics, including the "United Earth nonsense" is forgotten. The Vulcans soon impose order saying that "representing yourself at trial is not logical".

The United States is admitted into Canada as a province. Many Americans feel bitter about this, even three centuries down the line.

2113

The New United Nations ™ renames itself again, this time to "United Earth". It also annexes a number of other IGOs, in particular the International Space Agency, (ISA) becomes the United Earth Space Probe Agency. Some nations, such as Australia, deem the name change "silly" and refused to be a part of it.

This makes the first proper World Government.

2135

A young Vulcan who had a liking for late twentieth century Terran "pop music", which was passed on to her from her father who was introduced to this art form at First Contact with the humans, names herself "T'Pau" after one of her favourite bands.

2144

The island group New Zealand reappears. No time has passed there since it went missing in 2044. It is suggested later that this is due to the Pothole.

2150

Australia joins the United Earth, as it had previously refused to sign the United Earth accord, preferring instead to consider itself a member of the otherwise-identical New United Nations ™.

2151

First contact between Humans and Klingons. The Klingons have an Empire, centered on their homeworld of Kronos, which orbits a brown dwarf less than a light year from Sol. Because of this proximity to a possible threat, the Vulcans have been very protective of the Terrans.

The UESPA Starfleet ship 'Enterprise' is launched on a mission to return a Klingon courier who had crashed on Earth. The relatively short journey from Earth to Kronos is interrupted by an eighty day long diversion via Rigel, a star fifteen light years away.

Enterprise continues its voyages.

2156

The Earth/Romulan war starts. The Vulcans declare neutrality. After the tide started turning Earth's way, it annexed Vulcan as a "precautionary" measure, and liberated Andoria, Tellar and Alpha Centauri. The Klingons stay well out of it, but Earth is still too afraid of them to fight.

2160

The Battle of Cheron, and the end of the Earth/Romulan war. As part of the peace accords, which were negotiated using large ground-based subspace radio facilities a Neutral Zone is set up between Earth space and Romulan space.

2161

United Federation of Planets formed, out of the territory held by or allied to Earth at the end of the Romulan War. The Federation Council advises the Federation President on legislation and actions. The Federation President himself is the Secretary-General of United Earth.

The United Earth Starfleet continues as defence force for this region.

Starfleet Academy is founded.

2167

USS Archon visits C-111-B III, and is destroyed.

USS Essex visits Mab-Bu VI, and is destroyed.

2168

USS Horizon visits Sigma Iotia II, and soon after destroyed.

The Daedalus-class ships are called in for an inspection. An investigation lasting nearly thirty-years discovers that the the major problem was people being too busy laughing at the globe section to bother to steer the ship.

2196

The last Daedalus-class ship is withdrawn, in accordance with the report that denounced them as 'rubbish' and 'those ones with the catamaran hulls were kewl'.

2218

Klingon forehead ridges disappear overnight. At first, the Klingons merely refuse to talk about it, but when pressed by suicidally curious Terrans, they get really upset. Relations between the Federation and the Klingons degenerate significantly.

2229

Sarek of Vulcan and Amanda Grayson of Earth marry. Sarek later described his decision as the "logical thing to do", later continuing "Otherwise I would have lost the bet and had to give him my house".

2245

USS Enterprise NCC-1701, the first starship to bear the name (excluding the SS Enterprise which was renamed the SS Dauntless retrospectively in 2158), is launched.

2266

A Romulan ship probes the neutral zone. It makes it a few Astronomical Units, destroys a conveniently located Earth base, and then is destroyed by USS Enterprise before it can make it to the other side of the star system, and thence to safety.

2267

SS Botany Bay, an old DY-100 sleeper ship is found near the Mutara nebula. Its presence there does not surprise Enterprise crew because it was launched before the realisation of the Pothole.

Starfleet institutes a policy of placing known lunatics in charge of Constitution-class starships, seeking to emulate the success of Enterprise.

Mad Commodore Matt Decker and his ship Constellation are destroyed.

2268

The Intrepida member of the Mad Captain Program, and captained by Solvar "the Imbecile" of Vulcan, is lost.

Mad Captain Ronald Tracey abandons his ship Exeter for a nice spot of genocide.

Enterprise attempts a historical research mission by using time travel Soon after returning, the Federation Time Cops from the 29th century come and explain why this is a really dumb idea, and not to do it again.

The Defiant is lost. This is attributed to the Mad Captain Program.

2270

The Klingons' foreheads return. The Terrans contain their curiosity for a while.

2271

V'Ger attempts to destroy the Earth but is foiled by Admiral Kirk.

2285

Khan attempts to destroy Kirk but is foiled by Admiral Kirk.

Admiral Kirk attempts to find Spock but destroys the Enterprise too.

USS Excelsior fails on its first transwarp test, due to sabotage by the AWOL Captain of Engineering. The second test proves more successful, as the ship makes transwarp. Sadly however, the entire crew are turned into newts, which is a bit of a downer. Research into transwarp is suspended.

2286

A probe attempts to destroy the Earth but is foiled by Admiral Kirk, who is rewarded for this by being demoted to Captain, and being assigned to a nice new shiny Enterprise.

2287

A weird energy being attempts to go on holiday, but is foiled by Admiral Kirk.

As a result of this action, it turned out the Great Barrier was not such a big deal after all. The Vulcans deny having anything to do with this "superstition", and the fact that they had secret bases on the other side is "Mere coincidence".

2289

The Bajoran government bans space travel saying "equivilant to climbing mountains, inasmuch as you are still going up a lot."

2293

New El-Aurian homeworld is destroyed by the Bhorgh.

The Klingon moon explodes for no adequately explored reason.

The Klingon Empire reaches an uneasy alliance with the Federation.

Enterprise-A is decommissioned, but before it is scrapped, and whilst Captain Kirk's ego is not looking, its renamed back to Yorktown

Enterprise-B attempts to rescue El-Aurian refugees whose homeworld was recently destroyed by the "Bhorgh". Kirk ends up sacrificing himself.

El-Aurian refugee Tolian Soran is reportedly "pissed" at this action, saying "all I want to do is to curl up and die. There's no way I'm choosing a third homeworld, you understand!"

2309

In response to a plea from the banned Bajoran Mountain Climbers Association, the Cardassian Union establishes a presence on Bajor, claiming they will "help" the oppressed Mountain Climbers.

2311

The Tomed Incident. Thousands of Federation lives are lost when USS Tomed is ambushed by a fleet of cloaked Romulan ships. When attempting to target, it missed, and instead hit the civilian transports it was escorting. The Federation blames Romulans for this.

2323

"Stardate Zero" is declared after the military coup on Earth, in which Starfleet took control of the remaining government institutions that were under civilian control, citing national security reasons. "The old system", they said, "was random and confusing. No-one ever knew what they meant". Certain regions of the Federation refuse to use the new system until the 2350s.

The Mad Captain Program is abolished as a failure, and replaced with a program run by Section 31 to get rid of Mad Captains as fast as possible.

2328

In response to the Bajoran governments continual refusal to allow their mountain climbers to climb mountains, (The Ministry of Not Climbing Mountains line was "So what if they are there? If there was a cliff, would you jump off that, too?"), the Cardassians are forced to annex Bajor.

2344

USS Enterprise is destroyed at Narendra III.

2355

Picard court-martialled for the loss of USS Stargazer. A shuttle carrying Picard to his next assignment, commanding USS Excellent, accidentally falls into the Pothole (the first Pothole incident in decades), which transports him to 2364.

The Hansens get Starfleet approval to find the legendary Bhorgh, who were responsible for the destruction of the most recent El-Aurian homeworld. Garbled reports from the refugees suggest that they might be cybernetic.

The Hansens eventually find the also cybernetic Borg by accident instead, but do not realise their mistake.

2364

USS Enterprise launched, encounters Q.

Section 31 agent infiltrates Starfleet Academy as a cadet.

First contact with the Ferengi.

Klingons briefly join United Federation of Planets, but leave after a week when they realise that the Federation presently has a military government. "We do that better ourselves", said they.

The Romulans come out of their sulk.

2365

First Contact with the Borg.

2366

The Borg attempt to assimilate Earth but are foiled by Captain Riker.

2367

Captain Maxwell of USS Phoenix goes mad in an attempt to remember when the Setlik incident was, and attempts to destroy Cardassians, but is foiled by Captain Picard.

After the Trill incident, the Federation Office of Keeping Really Quite Significant Racial Traits Hushed Up is disbanded.

Romulans try to break the Klingon/Federation alliance but are foiled by Captain Picard.

2368

Romulans try to incite a Klingon Civil war but are foiled by Captain Picard.

Romulans try to invade Vulcan but are foiled by Captain Picard.

Romulans give up, and leave the scheming to the Cardassians.

Section 31 agent Nick Locarno tries to sabotage the career of future Mad Captain Wesley Crusher, but is foiled by Captain Picard.

Section 31 goes back to the drawing board, and comes up with a plan to try to lose entire shipfuls of possible future Mad Captains by sending them on suicide missions.

2369

The exiled Bajoran Ministry of Not Climbing Mountains finally admits that maybe mountain climbing is not so bad and decides to disband itself. Satisfied with this, the Cardassians withdraw from Bajor.

Wormhole near Bajor discovered.

2370

Taking inspiration from the restoration of democracy to Bajor after the "Circle"-led coup, Starfleet allows elections again.

It turns out that warp travel causes pollution. A temporary speed limit of warp 5 is placed on all vessels . Intense lobbying from the antimatter industry results in the limit being raised to raised to warp 10 after a few months

The Maquis take their first actions.

Section 31 succeeds in losing USS Equinox (captained by Captain Ransom, one of the most mad captains) by sending it on a suicidal research mission in the Badlands.

2371

Bored with democracy and seeking a reason to take control over the government again, Starfleet sends USS Defiant to provoke a war with the Dominion by seeking the Founders.

Tolian Soran attempts to end it all, but is foiled by Captain Picard.

The Section 31 to get rid of one of its maddest Captains ever, by sending her on a suicide mission succeeds beyond their wildest dreams when USS Voyager goes missing, believed destroyed. Agent Locarno was assigned to this mission under the alias "Tom Paris", to make sure that Voyager could never return.

2372

Klingons invade Cardassia.

Starfleet attempts a coup, but is foiled by Captain Sisko. This action causes Captain Sisko to be expelled from the Federation's Military Dictatorship Party

At the suggestion of the increasingly desperate Agent Locarno, USS Voyager personnel attempt to replicate the transwarp experiments of the late 23rd century, and again succeed in attaining Warp 10. As expected, the test crew turned into newts despite efforts to stop this by using a new type of Dilithium Crystal. Sadly, medical technology had improved in the mean-time, and it is possible to turn the newts back into people.

Klingons demand the return of the Archanis sector. This 20x20x20 light-year cube (also known as Sector 001) centered on the Klingon homeworld includes all the core Federation worlds.

2373

The Klingons briefly take control of the entire Archanis sector. During this time, Starfleet/Federation HQs are temporarily moved to San Fransico on one of the backup Earths that the galaxy has nicely provided.

Cardassians and Dominion ally, as do Klingons and Federation again.

Borg attempt to assimilate Earth but are foiled by Captain Picard.

Dominon war started.

2374

Romulans ally with the Klingons and Federation. As a result of this, Captain Sisko is allowed to rejoin the FMD Party, but he declines, citing personal reasons.

2375

Alliance finally beats Dominion.

2377

USS Voyager returns, with lots of highly advanced technology, notably a transwarp drive that doesn't turn people into newts. Agent Locarno recieves and fficial reprimand from Section 31. Rather than attempt to kill off Captain Janeway again, they instead promote her to safety.

Canon events are marked in red, logical and overly literal conclusions and speculation is marked in green.

Thanks due to all the regulars at rec.arts.startrek.tech who inspired this. In particular, shouts go out to Timo Saloniemi, and machf for reminding me about things.

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